"I do" not: A practical consideration of marriage
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American culture has a primarily Christian foundation. This being said, marriage is a huge part of our culture. Americans spend $72 billion dollars annually on weddings and $175 billion dollars annually on divorce. (http://reddeerdj.com/national-wedding-statistics.html)
This is my attempt to present an un-biased look at the reasons that we make the decision to say "I do" or run like hell.
Here is every reason I found that we may WANT to get married:
Religious. The Bible speaks of premarital sex as a sin and demands a lifelong commitment between lovers.
Sex. Hard to believe but I found that it was at one time common for a man to choose to get married for this reason. This is understandable if you're extremely unlikable and you actually found someone willing to have sex with you, I guess?
Children. If we want children, we tend to find the person whom we think would fit the part, genetic requirements and then we make the commitment for our children.
Pregnancy. Uh-OH!
Love. A small percentage of us may actually get married because we love someone so much and they compliment us in every way imaginable. This person is genuinely the person that we could make a great life with.
Passion. We get swept off of our feet in Vegas and head for the local chapel or anything else less picturesque.
Social pressure or status. Everyone around us is getting married. We can't go out with any of our friends anymore because we're the third wheel so to fit in we are more likely to settle down. Or perhaps, it's the "thing to do". Some are afraid that not being married presents them as unsuccessful.
Fear of being alone. The thought of ever being alone again is too much to bear.
Obligation to make a relationship work. Some people are afraid to say "when". Some are afraid to hurt their partners feelings or "break their heart" by leaving.
Money. People marry for money for many different reasons. To be stable, to be greedy, or so on.
Fear that we couldn't "do better". We settle for what we have at the moment because we don't really think we could find anyone the same if we left to pursue something better.
To be complete. We also marry to have a better life. Some people aren't sure what to do with themselves other than get married.
Fantasy. All girls growing up, put on a veil and say their vows to their best girlfriend preparing for that big day in 20 years. The wedding, the honeymoon, the whole shebang!
On the flip side, let's take a look at why people RUN like hell.
Change. Some are afraid to change their life. Some are afraid that they themselves change too frequently to make a commitment to someone. Some are afraid the other will change.
Freedom or control. To do whatever. Travel, pursue other interests, sexuality, to never have to be responsible for another than himself, and so on.
Emotional or mental immaturity or defect. Anything from mental retardation to the inability to trust others.
Experiences. What we've seen and heard about marriage scared us away.
Work. We want our career to be our life.
Spirituality. Those considered to be the highest of the spiritual masters claim that a single life is the only way to true enlightenment.
Sex. Our sexual interests or needs we cannot find in a person that we would like to marry.
The legalities. Either, we're gay and marriage is not allowed or we are allowed and we think the institution of marriage is gay.
Beliefs. Who knows, I'm sure this is a reason though.
Children. Possibly a person not wanting children would abstain from marriage.
Fear of failure.
To protect assets. Perhaps if we worked hard enough to have enough to care, we might want to protect it.
I'm interested to know, those married, what were your reasons?
Once upon a time, in a city called Cincinnati, I married my high-school sweetheart.... what a disaster... I married to be emancipated at 17.
_____________
American culture has a primarily Christian foundation. This being said, marriage is a huge part of our culture. Americans spend $72 billion dollars annually on weddings and $175 billion dollars annually on divorce. (http://reddeerdj.com/national-wedding-statistics.html)
This is my attempt to present an un-biased look at the reasons that we make the decision to say "I do" or run like hell.
Here is every reason I found that we may WANT to get married:
Religious. The Bible speaks of premarital sex as a sin and demands a lifelong commitment between lovers.
Sex. Hard to believe but I found that it was at one time common for a man to choose to get married for this reason. This is understandable if you're extremely unlikable and you actually found someone willing to have sex with you, I guess?
Children. If we want children, we tend to find the person whom we think would fit the part, genetic requirements and then we make the commitment for our children.
Pregnancy. Uh-OH!
Love. A small percentage of us may actually get married because we love someone so much and they compliment us in every way imaginable. This person is genuinely the person that we could make a great life with.
Passion. We get swept off of our feet in Vegas and head for the local chapel or anything else less picturesque.
Social pressure or status. Everyone around us is getting married. We can't go out with any of our friends anymore because we're the third wheel so to fit in we are more likely to settle down. Or perhaps, it's the "thing to do". Some are afraid that not being married presents them as unsuccessful.
Fear of being alone. The thought of ever being alone again is too much to bear.
Obligation to make a relationship work. Some people are afraid to say "when". Some are afraid to hurt their partners feelings or "break their heart" by leaving.
Money. People marry for money for many different reasons. To be stable, to be greedy, or so on.
Fear that we couldn't "do better". We settle for what we have at the moment because we don't really think we could find anyone the same if we left to pursue something better.
To be complete. We also marry to have a better life. Some people aren't sure what to do with themselves other than get married.
Fantasy. All girls growing up, put on a veil and say their vows to their best girlfriend preparing for that big day in 20 years. The wedding, the honeymoon, the whole shebang!
On the flip side, let's take a look at why people RUN like hell.
Change. Some are afraid to change their life. Some are afraid that they themselves change too frequently to make a commitment to someone. Some are afraid the other will change.
Freedom or control. To do whatever. Travel, pursue other interests, sexuality, to never have to be responsible for another than himself, and so on.
Emotional or mental immaturity or defect. Anything from mental retardation to the inability to trust others.
Experiences. What we've seen and heard about marriage scared us away.
Work. We want our career to be our life.
Spirituality. Those considered to be the highest of the spiritual masters claim that a single life is the only way to true enlightenment.
Sex. Our sexual interests or needs we cannot find in a person that we would like to marry.
The legalities. Either, we're gay and marriage is not allowed or we are allowed and we think the institution of marriage is gay.
Beliefs. Who knows, I'm sure this is a reason though.
Children. Possibly a person not wanting children would abstain from marriage.
Fear of failure.
To protect assets. Perhaps if we worked hard enough to have enough to care, we might want to protect it.
I'm interested to know, those married, what were your reasons?
Once upon a time, in a city called Cincinnati, I married my high-school sweetheart.... what a disaster... I married to be emancipated at 17.
